I fell off the blog wagon. Where have we been?

It feels like I fell off the blogging wagon. For a while I blogged fairly consistently about our life, John's health, his struggles and victories with his service connected issues like his traumatic brain injury, seizures, PTSD, headaches, falls, and everything life was sending our way.

Then I pretty much just stopped. I hid a few posts. I quit writing for a while.

Why? There's not necessarily a simple answer. Did things suddenly get better so we had no bad health and sob stories to pull at your heart strings and make the fury of veteran injustice rise? Not quite. Did things get worse so we had to focus more on health and doing the best we can? Sort of. Did we pull the uber personal posts for privacy? Somewhat. Did I just not have time to focus on sharing our journey? Yes.

John's had a series of good and bad days, as typical. He's on a mission now though, a mission to help

John and the Military Order of the Purple Heart
Chapter 1000, with the help of a Purple Heart
Service Foundation Grant, provides countless
care packages to homeless vets and vets in need.

other vets. That is literally some days the only thing that drives him to get out of bed. Seriously. With the traumatic brain injury he gets tired easily. The slightest stimulation will cause him to need serious rest. When we have to go somewhere, he sleeps a lot before, and he crashes afterward. Does he look like he can manage when he's out in public….yes. Most of the time he does or he simply will not get out.  Just remember that all wounds aren't visible and that chances are after he has been out in public, on these missions to help others, chances are it was so overly stimulating and physically exhausting that he crashed after. Yes, perhaps he falls, sleeps most definitely, and seizures with his typical nose bleeds are likely.  Does this stop him on his new mission? Absolutely not.

Part of John's disability is a delusion of his disability.  Sure, he knows the diagnoses that he has, but often he doesn't accurately judge what he can or can't do safely.  He may think he could drive a few states away to meet a friend…when in actuality he couldn't completely make it to a grocery store and back independently.

We tag along together. He's more aware of his limitations now. We're a team. When he has trouble coming up with the right words or trouble saying what he means, I help fill in the blanks. When he gets to where he can hardly stand any longer, I find him a chair. I move it behind him. We have to be more organized to make things work right. By that, I don't mean my house is spotless or uber clean. I mean, he has to write down events, appointments, anything he must remember. iPhone apps help him with that. I help him with that.

So, life's not always rosy, but it isn't horrible either. It is different and we manage best we can. We have a great system of support that comes to our aid when we need them. We couldn't make this journey alone. We're grateful for the positives. If you are struggling, I encourage you to find meaning in something and find a mission.  Find a mission to help someone or something that can benefit from your help. Chances are, you will be glad you did and you might just get the bigger blessing.

You can find out more about the Military Order of the Purple Heart by clicking here.

What to Pack!?

As you can see we like to go and travel is our therapy.  Like many packing and unpacking can be the
most aggravating parts of travel and vacations.  I typically try to pack in ways that will help me out and be efficient for packing and traveling.

Right now, we are packing for a trip to a week long conference in Orlando for wounded veterans and their families.  We are fortunate to have this experience and I'm so excited that I can hardly contain myself!

Here are a few of my tips:

• Start packing a few days early for some items that you won't need until travel.
• I pack underwear, pajamas, socks, and bathing suits first (yes, I'm packing swimwear for a December trip to Florida because it is 80 degrees and pools are heated)
• Next, I pack non perishable food items in a separate bag that is easily accessible in the vehicle.
• I pack things like peanut butter and bread, gummy snacks, dried fruit, bottled water and drinks, applesauce, and perhaps oatmeal, cereal, and other easy snacks.
• Then, I pack meds in a container that I can easily get to.  I typically keep meds together in a clear box with lid so they travel well.  
• I get the kids to pick a couple of toys, books, and coloring activity items to carry along.  This cuts down on the impulsive buys of unnecessary theme park purchases.  

•  Example: pack princess gear for girls or swords and pirate stuff for boys or take a couple favorite plush items for snuggling
• Pack items like Disney Pins, Vinylmations, MagicBands, lanyards, cameras, camcorders, and any other items you need to take to the parks.
• Lastly, I pack the bulk of our bags
• Add clothes and also pack hygiene bags
• I usually forget a few things like phone chargers, sunglasses or computer/iPad chargers, a pair of shoes, etc and leave a tote bag handy to toss those items in at the last minute. 

I also pack a different bag if we are overnight at a different location other than our main destination.  For this next week's trip, we are starting off with two days with family and ending with a Disney hotel at the end of our Universal Orlando trip. So I'll back a single clothes bag for everyone in the family for each of these separate overnights so we don't have to lug in everyone's luggage for a 24-48 hour stay.

Happy Packing!

(By the way dear friends and readers....I am now a travel agent complete with Disney College of Knowledge and Universal Specialist certification and would love to help you plan and book your next trip! email me at aflener1@gmail.com for info)

Breathe - When All Else Fails

 

I have started writing this blog several times in my head....but then I don't type it out. 

I started typing and I back up and delete it. Then I get up and walk away. 

I come back.

 

I've not said much lately as far as our usual transparency of "how are you" and "how are things going."  Sometimes people assume no news is good news and others know silence usually means things are chaoitic and too insane to sit back and type a blog. 

The last month has been filled with more medical appointments than I have even kept a count of.  Most weeks, each day has been consumed with a pre-op, post-op, surgery day, check up day, x-ray day, hospital infusion day, or something to occupy the twenty four hours in our days. 

For some reason, the oldest child dislikes school.  Each morning begins with a fight of finding the right blue jeans and underwear combination that fits to his liking.  Then his anxiety soars at drop off time because he wants you to walk him to the door.  The youngest, age 4, has had to miss about as many days of preschool as he has been able to attend these first few weeks becuase of our many appointments and obligations.  So now he clings at my leg and doesn't want to let go for school most days too. The oldest has begged for weeks for me to homeschool him.

The kids don't want stay in a room in our home if an adult is not with them.  The won't go to the bathroom alone, and I can't go to the bathroom alone either, most of the time.  They don't want to go to sleep in their bed, unless you lay down and go to sleep with them.  They wake up. They run to find you.  Elbows and knees proceed to jab and poke for an uncomfortable night of restless sleep.  One pees on the bed.

Laundry to do.  Another night.  Another wake up.  Same story.  Laundry. Coffee.  Cary on.  Repeat.

John has been in alot of pain.  For some reason the oddness of the last few weeks has prompted him to not take meds regularly.  So, Monday he played golf....best game ever.  Then Tuesday through Friday he was unable to get out of bed.  Friday evening he wanted to get out and we rode to town.  He asked two or three times for the kids to be quiet.  They didn't quite down enough to his liking.  He said, "I've had enough" and leaped from the car. 

The kids were upset but took it in stride. I pulled off the road but he refused to get back in the car.  After walking about .4 mile, an officer friend of John's picked him up and took him home.  John threw the contents of his pockets on the floor and went to rest in quiet and calm down. 

Two days prior, as we were getting ready to go to get his stiches out, I reminded him to hurry and put his pants on.  He was already wearing his shoes.  So I reminded him where his bottoms were.  I get the kids out the door and turn back to turn off the lights, like moms do.  When I got outside to unlock the car for them, there John was standing beside the car in his underwear.  He was ready to go, so he said.  Yet, oblivious to the fact he wasn't dressed.  Sigh. Turn around, go back.  Buckle kids. Go to school. Drive 4 hours to doctor.  Come home. Repeat. 

I suppose I should be stressed out beyond belief, but I'm not.  I wish I could get more done.  I wish I had more time for me.  I wish my house stayed cleaner and neater and long for the day when the kids will help pick up more than they throw down.  However, in the meantime, the stress won't make it better.  Worry and anxity won't create a better situation.  I have to be as calm as I can.  I have to carry on.  I have to breathe. I have to pray. 

 

All the while my breath is in me, and the spirit of God is in my nostrils; My lips shall not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit. Job 27: 3-4

 

I feel like I can relate a lot with Job lately.  I have to deal with my reality of life.  When all else fails....take a deep breath and just be.  Just be.  Just be as thankful as you can be.  Be as content and forgiving as possible.  Be seeking how to live more fully and aware of life.  Be hopeful.  Be prayerful. Be fervent.  Be loving.  Be kind. 

And at the time when you feel you need a break from reality...cry and greive.  Then when all else fails....take a deep breath and... Repeat.

Chapter Induction

Very busy week with lots going on but excited that today the date was set for the new MOPH Chapter's Induction.  

Officers elected for Chapter #1000 are John Flener, of Fitzgerald, as Commander; Bill Danforth, of McRae, as Senior Vice Commander; Earl Hendrix, of Adel, as Finance Officer; Warren Scoby, of Valdosta, as Adjutant; and Jim Graham, of Ocilla, as Chaplin. These officers will be sworn in at the Chapter Installation ceremony.

The Chapter meets each month on the first Tuesday at 7:15 PM at the VFW building in Tifton, Georgia. They invite combat wounded veterans to join in their efforts to promote patriotism, history, fraternalism, and assistance to all veterans with VA claims, homelessness, and job placement.

The Military Order of the Purple Heart (MOPH) was chartered by Congress in 1932 to protect and promote the mutual interests of Purple Heart recipients. MOPH is the only veterans' service organization that is comprised exclusively of combat veterans. All combat wounded are invited to come and meet fellow Purple Heart Veterans ranging from World War II to the present – you do not need to be a member to join us. To become a member, the organization needs a copy of the Purple Heart Certificate, DD-214, or a copy of the original orders. All Purple Heart recipients in the vicinity are welcome to join. Associate membership is available to eligible family members of both living and deceased Purple Heart recipients.

Chapter 1000 has big plans for the coming year, including a golf tournament in November at The Golf Club of South Georgia, participation in local Christmas parades, presence at the Vietnam Moving Wall in Adel, care package collection and distribution for deployed soldiers and hospitalized and homeless veterans, and a flag trade in the spring.